On technically Monday, at approximately 2:00 in the morning, I was lying awake on a friend's couch while two other people were sleeping deeply in the same room. I was having the first panic attack I had in several months, and what was perhaps the longest lasting. maybe it just felt that way. My mind was consumed with many things that were maybe worth panicking over depending on how this turns out.
The first being people who i Love, and their seemingly inevitably if not deliberately increasing distance from me, including people who have never established closeness with me but who i choose to Love anyway.
There is one person in particular with whom I haven't done a very good job at Loving, mostly because I don't know how. I want to improve that, and have wanted to for years. This individual's role in my life is so confusing that I don't know where to begin that progress, because I don't even know where I am. On that couch, I wondered if I would even still have time to figure that out.
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